You have a mass…

December 13, 2019 which was a Friday by the way, started off like any other morning. I got my kids on the bus and was gathering my work supplies up when I received a phone call from the nurse at the neurologists office I had visited. “I am calling with your MRI results” she said. “It was abnormal, they found a mass, but don’t freak out, they said it is not emergent. Your brain looks like it has abnormal lesions and fluid. Do you have any questions”? I was speechless. I didn’t have any questions because it was so unexpected that I literally did not have one clue about what to ask her. “Ok, I replied, thanks for letting me know” and we hung up. And then I cried. Cried like when you watch the movie Stepmom and the mom dies kind of cry. The timing of this phone call could not have been worse, you see that evening I was holding a Candlelight Vigil for my patients at the hospital I work at. I am the coordinator of perinatal bereavement of a hospital in Buffalo New York and each year we hold a beautiful event for families right before the holidays. A night for them to reflect, honor and pay reverence to their baby who has died. I run the service and give a speech each year, something that is hope filled, inspirational, up lifting. And I just got a call that I have a mass on my brain. I had no idea how to separate my own experience in this moment, so I cried some more.
On the drive to work I decided that if ever there was a time when I would need to implement some of the techniques that I teach clients it would be now, so I stuffed all my anxiety, worry, terror in a “box” and went to the service and spoke from my heart. I didn’t cry at the music like I normally do, I just sat stone faced, wondering if my family would be attending some similar type service next year to remember me.
I quickly conjured up every person that had every uttered the words brain cancer/ brain tumor to me. “I had a friend who died of a brain tumor”, these were the people who could help me, I hoped. A coworker who had too much experience with brain tumors suggested that I name it. I immediately knew her name, Roxanne . I don’t know why, but I do know that’s her and she needs to go.

One of the handmade ornaments at the Candlelight Vigil, a message of hope.

Welcome!

Evicting Roxanne

Being brave isn’t the absence of fear. Being brave is having that fear but finding a way through it.

— Bear Grylls


This is the first post on my new blog. I am not a writer but rather a woman who needs an outlet, and this is it for now. If you are part of the grammar police please excuse my lack of attention to detail, my mind is like a spinning top and I just need to get my thoughts out of my head. I was recently diagnosed with a tumor in the 4th ventricle of my brain. This blog is intended to help me share my story and experience as well as serve as validation to anyone else out there on a similar journey.

I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates. Thank you for tuning in.
Peace and ❤️

Hi, I’m Amy ❤️

I am an average every day working mom/wife/daughter/sister/friend.
I have a wonderful supportive husband Patrick who I have been married to for 13 years.

Patrick and I out for date night

We have two beautiful children together, Laurel (13) and Andrew (11) and I am a stepmom to Alex (27).

Alex, Laurel & Andrew

We have a dog and a cat, but our picket fence is not white!

Jasper our very snuggly but sometimes bad cat.
Olive, worlds best mountain hiking dog.

I am a therapist who specializes in perinatal loss and pregnancy and postpartum mood disorders. I love working with women and families and helping to empower them to grow together through difficult times. I also work as an independent contractor for a company where I travel around the country and speak on perinatal loss.
In my spare time I enjoy hiking and camping with my family, walks alone in woods, photography and hanging out with my kids.
I decided to start a blog after my diagnosis of a brain tumor because I feel that this will be an easier way to give information to all of my family and friends without having to text a book to each person every time they want an update on what is happening with me. I am hoping to be a resource to others who have to go through this in the future. My goal is to lessen my own anxiety as I try and navigate this very scary unknown road.
Thanks for joining me!

Hiking Camels Hump in Vermont. December 2019